My Dystonia Story
I developed a performance disorder during my undergrad degree in trombone performance at California State University Northridge. I had a 3-day hospital stay in my first semester, which forced me to take 2 weeks off the horn to let my body recover. My professor advised me to spend my first day back on the horn only playing long-tones for an hour, which is obviously good advice. Everything was fine until I got to Eb below the staff where, as I went to blow air into the horn, my body suddenly froze. I distinctly remember it: My chest tightened, throat tensed up, and I simply couldn’t get the air to move. It felt like I was choking. It only lasted a second or two before my air exploded out in a burst. I assumed it was just a random thing that wasn’t worth worrying about, but all my low Ebs that day had a little hitch.
Over the next couple weeks, that hitch spread to my entire range on the horn, until eventually it happened every time I tried to start a note. It would get worse or better in certain situations, but it was always there to some degree. I was barely able to get through my jury piece that first semester.
This marked a 4 ½ year struggle for me. Some days I could forget about it, some days I could barely play. Some days I would break down in the practice room. I took lessons with every trombone player in LA who would take my money, most of them the big names in the area. They gave me tips and tricks, and some of them would work for a bit; none more than a week or so. The problem always came back, eventually. Thinking my problem was bad technique, or not working hard enough, I would practice more and more, harder and harder. Which, in retrospect, just made it worse. My peers thought I was dedicated- but really, I was struggling just to keep it together.
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Then, one day...
One day, while reading through Doug Yeo’s website, I found a description of my problem. It was an excerpt from Brad Howland’s article (referenced in My Research). I was stunned! I had never heard anyone mention it, let alone write an article on it. While the article didn’t help long term, it gave me enough courage to actually tell someone about my problem. I was rewarded by having a professional orchestral trombone player tell me it’s a common problem, followed by a list of famous trombone players he personally knows who also have it. It was liberating, and made everything a little brighter. (It took me 3 years to tell someone in person)
Reading Brad’s article brought me to Arnold Jacobs, and Arnold Jacobs brought me to Jan Kagarice at UNT. Within 1 semester with her my symptoms were severely reduced, and by the time I graduated with my Master’s degree I no longer had any symptoms. However, looking back at my time in LA would make me angry. This thing almost broke me, almost got me to quit, and nobody really knew anything about it. By that time I was aware how common this problem is among brass players, but there was (and still remains) so little academic information on it. Why are there no empirical studies about this? Why is there so much contradictory information? Also, why was Jan’s method so effective when 4+ years, and at least a dozen teachers, couldn’t make a dent?
These questions got me into the field of performing arts health and the Texas Center for Performing Arts Health. My studies there helped me grow academically, and I published an article on musculoskeletal pain in trombonists in Medical Problems of Performing Artists (MPPA). I eventually came full circle and dedicated myself to researching the disorder that disrupted my whole career.
The research I have conducted on this problem marks the first steps towards understanding, treating, and preventing this performance disorder in brass musicians. I hope it can help someone!